Keepin' it real · well *I* think it's funny...

Day 400: See…my…vest…

Mr. December is tired of hearing about this, so I’m telling you instead. I love my vest… and my dress… and the other dress… and my leggings…

Since I made my resolution to only buy clothes that fit me right now (no aspirational sizes,) have pockets, are comfortable, and (if possible) are produced ethically, I’ve bought six items of clothing. Four of them are among my favourites, and a fifth would be if my hands would cooperate long enough for me to take in the seams a bit. And when I say favourites, I mean that I can’t stop grinning when I wear them, because they’re just so awesome.

The kids are getting jealous. When we leave the house, I put on my new fleece vest—the one with fifteen pockets—and immediately offer to clean anyone’s glasses, because there’s a microfiber glasses cleaning cloth attached to one of the inner pockets. Then I offer to carry masks for everyone, because there’s lots of room for them in another pocket. And so on. I’m not trying to rub it in, but it’s just such a novelty for me to know where everything is (there’s a stretchy keychain attached inside one of the pockets for my car keys) and to have room for everything I want to bring with me (even a Kobo or an actual book)!

“Would you stop rubbing it in?!?” R demands every time.

“Can you get me one of those, too?” K begs.

“Maybe,” is my noncommittal reply to both.

They say the opposite of entitlement is gratitude. I guess it’s gratitude that I’m feeling when I think, Boy, am I glad I bought this dress, or It’s so easy to be happy when you’re wearing good socks! Whatever it is, I’m thoroughly enjoying the experience. And while I could wax poetic about my new threads all day, I have to hold back so I don’t end up doing a song-and-dance routine √† la Monty Burns.

But if I did, it would go something like this…
(to the tune of “Be Our Guest” from Beauty and the Beast)

See… my… vest, see my vest
Go on, tell me you’re impressed
It’s got fifteen different pockets
So with storage space I’m blessed
Sunglasses go right here
There’s a chamois for them, dear
This one here has got a channel
for my earbud wires to travel

See my dress! My black dress!
Made to measurements, no less
It is soft and very comfy
And the pocket isn’t lumpy
I can bike, I can dance
And I don’t need to wear pants
Yes, this purchasing decision was my best
Go on, hand me your mask
(Maybe your coffee flask)
I’ve got no stress with these pockets in my dress!

Life was disconcerting,
And my ego it was hurting
When I couldn’t find my wallet or my phone,
Most days I’d waste so many minutes searching
At least I didn’t often leave my home.
All these years I’ve been waiting,
All my tiny pockets hating,
I didn’t want to always carry ’round a purse
Most days I’d just give stuff to my husband
But when he wasn’t with me,
Oh, what angst my stuff would give me…

My… new… clothes… piece by piece
Give me comfort, give me ease
Having pockets for my phone is just the best
Go on, hand me your stuff, you see I’m totally chuffed
‘Cause of my vest… and my dress…
Oh please, won’t you see… my… VEST!

Simpsons boss explains the real story behind one iconic Mr Burns moment
Image description: Montgomery Burns (from the Simpsons) wearing a gorilla-chest vest. His vast dressing room is in the background.

One thought on “Day 400: See…my…vest…

  1. Your glee is wonderful and gives me giant smiles. Soon, very soon, I will be back in my skirts with pockets that are useful. I so very much feel your glee!

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