Normally a fibro flare doesn’t last long for me. A day or two, maybe three, and then I’m back to normal. It’s just a few days; I can take those days to rest and do absolutely nothing strenuous. This current flare is now finishing day four; judging from how I felt going up the stairs just now, day five won’t be a picnic either. If we head into another whole week of flare (I hope not, but if,) what’s my plan? Am I going to do some light exercise each morning and then spend the rest of the day lying around?
The truth is, I have no idea. I don’t generally think of myself as someone who’s ill, although I acknowledge and make concessions for my variable stamina. I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do with myself when I feel like this for a week or more.
It feels weird to lie around while Mr. December and the kids clear the table and load the dishwasher. I can’t help feeling a bit lazy, so I get up and do things, which leads to worse symptoms, at which point I remember why I wasn’t getting up and doing things… until the next time I forget and feel like I’m just being lazy. It’s a vicious cycle.
(Not a viscous cycle, not that I’m sure what that would even look like; It’s just that I keep seeing that particular misspelling of “vicious” and wonder what viscous substance we’re talking about. Honey? Tar? Hair gel? And how does that relate to a cycle?)
Just to be clear: I’m not unhappy, I’m just in pain. There’s a difference. There are just so many things I want to be doing—building, sewing, biking, playing—that a long period of idleness is almost intolerable. Reading is doable, at least until my arms get tired from holding the book, and the kids are always good for an hour or two of snuggling, but what else is a supposed-to-be-resting mom supposed to do?