I found my old blog today—the one I started writing just after my miscarriage and kept writing through years of fertility treatments.
I thought it was gone forever…. but today I found myself on a friend’s blog, wanting to comment. I was already signed in as the author of my old blog. I clicked the link and there I was… my 2006 self in all my bitter, sarcastic glory.
I was way funnier back then. What Dostoyevsky said about how all happy families are the same but every unhappy family is dysfunctional in its own way—well, I think that applies to blogs too. Happiness is a bit boring. Struggles and the dark humour that ensues are far more interesting… and my old blog was full of that. It helped that in those days I had literally nothing to do all day, depressed as I was, so I had more time to make sure my writing was just right.
I don’t think I’ll be publishing or sharing it anytime soon—some of it is about my long months of fertility treatments, and there’s a lot of clinical TMI that was included because my readers were also in those trenches with me and appreciated what a 5mm follicle on CD12 meant. There’s also a lot of swearing, because that’s where my headspace was. But some of the later posts, about K’s first couple of years and N’s early infancy, are quite good, and those ones I’ll probably share if they’re relevant to our life today (and many of them are: their personalities were the same in infancy as they are ten and twelve years later.)
If my posts are a bit shorter than usual, or sparse in some way, forgive me. I’ll be holed up at my desk, reading about life from 2006 to 2011. And if you hear hilarious laughter, that’ll be me, because I used to be funny.