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Day 206: Why do I do this to myself?

It’s 9:12 p.m. and I’m only just starting my daily blog post. Okay, you may be thinking, you’ve got four kids. I’m sure you were busy all day. Well, yes… if going down an internet rabbit hole counts as busy.

You see, yesterday I was at the fabric store getting hooks for my bedroom curtains when I saw an adhesive chalkboard calendar on sale. It seemed like a decent idea, given some of Mr. December’s ideas about scheduling, so I bought it.

Today I took it out of the package and discovered there was no place I particularly wanted to put it. On the one hand, we need a family calendar where everyone can see it, and on the other hand, I don’t need everyone to see my calendar if they don’t live here.

(Of course, with COVID it’s a pretty sure thing that we won’t be having guests anytime soon, but still…)

I have a thing about being able to hide the chaos in my house. That’s why the command centre in the corner of my dining room has a door that, when closed, hides all the stuff and camouflages the cupboard. If you hadn’t seen it open, you wouldn’t know it was there. It’s exactly what I like: accessible and visible to people who need it, invisible when there are guests.

So this morning I sat down at the computer and tried to figure out how to hide this calendar decal when I want to. I thought of a reversible picture frame with the calendar on one side and a nice family photo on another… which led me into the photo program on my computer, hunting for a beautiful family photo I could print… but then I realized that we don’t really have any great family photos. So I went back to the internet and looked for a nice art poster instead. This made me realized that those wooden magnetic poster hangers are easy to reverse, so I should get those instead of a heavy frame… and I could just make a poster, or maybe a watercolour painting… which led me to look for extra-large watercolour paper.

I suddenly just how much time had passed and how useless an exercise it was. We already have a family calendar: it’s in the command centre. Of course, it’s on the back wall of the cabinet, so it’s not super obvious. But that’s easily fixed: I hung it on the inside of the cabinet door with the clips that used to hold the kids’ checklists… the clips aren’t needed for anything else, because the checklists will be on magnetic boards this year. So now the family calendar is easy to see, and still easy to hide, and I could have just done that in the first place instead of going down a three-hour rabbit hole.

Then tonight, I was messaging with a friend and mentioned that I miss the cottage. I wondered what it would be like to be able to go up to a house on the lake anytime I wanted, and have my stuff there waiting for me, and be able to sit by the lake and not have constant construction noise outside my house day and night. So I hopped onto a real estate website and started looking at cottages. The kids got into it, too—now I know that K would happily live in a small bunkie, and E just really wants a bunk bed—and an hour later, Mr. December came upstairs from his meeting and said, “We’re not buying a cottage. We don’t need one. Get on AirBnB and I’ll find you a cottage you can go to tomorrow.” Thus ended my second rabbit hole of the day.

Here’s what I didn’t do today: I didn’t finish organizing my curriculum materials. I also didn’t make sure that the kids’ pencil boxes have all the school supplies they need and are accessible. I didn’t get the kids to help me clean out their cubbies in preparation for new materials. And I didn’t call the window company about replacing the attic window that’s broken again.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

One thought on “Day 206: Why do I do this to myself?

  1. What causes the window to be broken…. it seems repeatedly?!
    I am curious but also deeply wanting a problem with a simple easy solution. I am so worn out from all these things impinging on me and mine that are absolutely scary and outside my ability to improve. A straightforward breaking attic window sounds great……
    THANK YOU for being a constant, normal, reliable, non-life threatening,real life, non-horror story, non-dystopian, moment in my days.

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