My Buby, may her memory be a blessing, frequently answered “How are you, Buby?” with the Hy Gardner quote, “Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.”
Not everything hurts today, but let’s just say I’m glad we stockpiled Advil way back in February.
(A side note: if you’re wondering about the difference between “stockpiling” and “hoarding”, I’ll break it down for you. Stockpiling takes place before there’s a crisis or shortage, when there is plenty of a product to go around; hoarding takes place afterwards, when your overbuying causes others to go without. My Father-in-law, who never has fewer than one hundred rolls of toilet paper at a given time, stockpiles toilet paper. That guy in the supermarket who normally buys one pack of toilet paper each week but is now buying eight? Hoarding.)
Where was I? Oh yeah. Advil.
E’s school has been doing a fabulous job of pivoting to online instruction, especially since as a Montessori school it relies heavily on hands-on learning with specific materials. They’ve been uploading all kinds of printables to the Google Classroom site for us to download, cut, and use… which is all fine and good, but that’s a lot of cutting. Even with my sliding paper cutter, I still managed to give myself some kind of repetitive strain injury in one hand. Ow. This whole learning-to-read thing had better be worth it!
I think I may have also killed my knee. Either that, or I’m getting old. Could it be the million times a day I run up and down the stairs to supervise everyone’s learning? Or maybe it’s because I’ve been riding a Razor scooter up and down the road with my kids, and that knee is getting a lot of impact when I use it to step off a scooter that’s still going pretty fast? It’s certainly not just the strain of carrying the extra weight I’ve gained since I started comfort eating my way through a shutdown. Or is it?
Hmm. Probably. Or maybe it’s all three. At least the painful knee is on the same side of my body as the hand that hurts. At this rate, I’ll have the same good side and bad side for everything — although come to think of it, my good ear is on the opposite side from my bad everything else. That means that when I hear someone being obnoxious, I’ll have to turn my body before I can smack them upside the head. That could be problematic.
(I kid, I kid. We don’t hit in this house. Not anymore, anyway – when R and N were very small we gave N a spanking after counting to three (I don’t remember what for); and the next thing we knew, R counted to three, ran to N, and whacked him on the bum. That was the end of corporal punishment around here.)
In terms of what doesn’t hurt, my brain is ok — but as the saying would suggest, it’s not working too well. Take our omer counting calendar, for example: yesterday I realized we had missed a bunch of days (since Aunty died, essentially) and tried to figure out which ones they were. No matter what I did, I could not correctly account for the number of days. I looked at a Jewish calendar and saw that we were supposed to be on day 13, which made no sense because we already had day 15 up. I counted forwards and backwards. The kids suggested that perhaps we did a day or two twice; I checked that against my blog posts and found it not to be the case.
“Whatever,” I sighed, “I give up. I have no idea what happened — let’s just keep posting one good thing a day anyway.”
Going back to look at it before writing this post. I decided to double-check which day of the omer it’s supposed to be. Huh. Apparently today is day 22. That means my counting isn’t off… is it? Is it day 22 before or after sundown? We’re putting up our post-its at the end of each day, not the beginning (which in the Jewish calendar would be the night before.) In any case, it doesn’t matter because we’re only on day 20 today, which means we missed something, somewhere along the line.
“How hard is this?” Mr. December marvelled, shaking his head, “You’re counting one day at a time and putting up a stickie once a day. Counting doesn’t get any easier than this!”
True — but such is the state of my brain right now. Doesn’t hurt; doesn’t work.