I’m still pregnant.
There is a magical line (somewhere around the 38-week mark) where that stops being a massive relief and starts being a bit annoying. Actually, I think that line appears sometime around the same time as people start calling you to say, “how are you guys?” but really mean, “had that baby yet?” I’ve even fielded a call from my in-laws tonight, who said that someone they know who knows me on facebook told them that I was in labour. Um, no. I am having contractions, but no labour. Twice in the past two weeks I’ve said to Mr. December, “I think you’ll end up having to call the midwives tonight.” Yet here I am, still pregnant.
And yes, I’m whining. My due date isn’t even ’til Wednesday.
In the spirit of serving this baby an eviction notice, I’ve tried many things. I even went to a massage therapist who only told me after I was naked and lying on the table that she felt it was unethical to massage the pressure points that can bring on labour. Um, thanks. Check, please!
I’ve been guzzling raspberry leaf tea, which so far has done nothing but make me pee a lot. I’ve tried plenty of “doing what got the kid in there in the first place” which is admittedly easier when you conceived spontaneously rather than through IVF (I highly doubt that the egg-retrieval equipment can handle anything as large as a newborn baby). I’ve tried lots of walking, bouncing on the exercise ball, lifting heavy objects (22-pound and 36-pound children, respectively), and self-administered accupressure. I’m getting contractions, but they kind of hang around and visit for awhile before deciding to leave. I need the kind that will bring along a U-haul and holler, “we’re moving in! where’s the fridge?”
Now, I firmly believe that the baby will be born when it’s ready. I believe that if the baby isn’t ready, there’s a reason and it’s probably better not to rush things. I think that if I let these piddly-ass contractions do their job, when labour finally happens it’ll be faster and smoother. But I also think it would be nice if my brothers (both of whom live far, far away and will be in town next weekend for three days) could meet their newest niece or nephew. Even better if they can attend the bris or naming, though at the time of typing this I only have another 18 hours or so before the bris would end up being the day after they leave.
I also believe that this kid is disturbing my sleep so much that he or she might as well be disturbing me from the outside. At least then I’ll be able to turn over in bed.
So there you have it. In principle, I’m against trying to induce labour (even naturally). In reality, I want to get this show on the road. Anybody know a good RMT with no scruples about hitting those labour-inducing pressure points?