10. Individually test condoms for friction-resistance.
9. Thread a cord-and-socket set through it, and voila – an avant-garde pendant lamp for the kitchen!
8. Use it as a decoy wasp’s nest.
7. Pack it in a basket with some nice soaps as a thank-you gift for your favourite mohel.
6. Use it to spice up your old scarecrow (Because times have changed. The crows really are harder to scare nowadays.)
5. Display it proudly on your mantel as an objet d’art. When people giggle, look at them disapprovingly and tell them to get their minds out of the gutter.
4. Donate it to a nature museum, explaining that it’s the most unique nest you’ve ever seen.
3. Wear it as a penis cozy on frosty mornings.
2. Cover it with papier-mache, fill with candy, and invite your friends to beat it until it spews forth yummy goodness.
1. Use it… as a loofah.